Roses are red
Lots of people sell 'em
All of these poems
Were written by Helen

Birthdays

Wedding Anniversary

Saucy/Get Bent

Get Your Own Back

Christmas

Roses are red
Pigs are pink
Have a great birthday
And loads to drink
Roses are red
Cats are spayed
Happy anniversary
From your gorgeous bridesmaid
Roses are red
I have a black thong
Not that you would notice
Coz it's been that long!
Roses are red
You've left me for another
So I've pissed in your tea
And slept with your brother
Roses are red
I love you lots
But I won't if you buy me
More bloody socks!
Roses are red
Hip hip hooray
Well not really
As you're 30 today
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Can you believe its a year
Since you last said I do
Roses are red
Beer comes in flagons
Thank you so much
For my lovely orgasms
Roses are red
I feel such a pratt
I hear that you're pregnant
I thought it was fat
Roses are red
Humbugs are sweets
Your presents were crap
Can I have the receipts?
Roses are red
Sex is naughty
Do you still think you'll do it
Now you are 40
Roses are red
They are very thorny
After all these years
I still think you're horny
Roses are red
I'm writing this letter
To say pack your bags
I've met someone better
Roses are red
So is my car
I thought this year you would appreciate
This padded bra!
Roses are red
Forks have handles
I think you'll need a hand this year
To blow out all your candles
Roses are red
They have a nice scent
No need for that fake girlfriend
We all know you're bent
Roses are red
Cats do pounce
I'm leaving you today
Because it is size that counts
Roses are red
Birds eat ants
Shame they don't make
Mens padded pants!
Roses are red
Like a smacked bum
Have a fab year
Being 21
Roses are red
Like a smacked bum
If anyone asks
You're still 31
© Helen Gleaves 2000